changes.

I guess I never published this.

(from the beginning of February)

New things are happening this year. Probably at the top of my list is the fact that Gena and Amanda moved into our ward. The story of how they ended up in Glenwood involves a lot of revelation and inspiration and both of them having the faith to act even though this was the last place either of them thought they would end up. Regardless, they are here. I don't know why, but I am so thankful that they are. It has made my semester infinitely better already. I can't help but think that maybe a part of it was for me. Last semester was challenging enough for various reasons that I seriously thought about moving, but there was no way that I would have been able to sell my contract with all the sister missionaries selling their contracts. (We'll talk about missionaries later.)

Second on my list of good things coming my way, I got a job at the Telefund! I had been looking for a new job since October or November. I had several interviews but nothing on campus really fit my schedule. So I went home for Christmas Break, know ing that I would be returning to my same job. Not that it was really that bad, but the hours were less than ideal and the money I spent on gas to drive up there just wasn't worth it. However, when I was at home, I got an email regarding the application at the Telefund that I had put in right before I went home saying that they would like to interview me. Woo! I was so excited! So I got back to Provo (in -2 degrees, mind you) and I had the interview on the first Monday of school. The next day, I waited all day for an email saying whether or not I had gotten the job because they said they would get back to me by Tuesday night. Well, that email didn't come until 11pm. Needless to say, it was a very long day. And, I didn't get the job. But, I was put on the waitlist. They said they usually end up hiring more people once they settle into schedules and they know what they need. I didn't really know what that meant. I asked Aaron how many people were on the waitlist, expecting maybe 10-15. Well it was only 5! So my chances were better than I thought. So then I emailed John back asking what my odds were of getting hired. He emailed me back and said that the chances were looking pretty good but he hoped to know more later on. Not even three hours later, he emailed me offering me the job! I literally shot both of my fists in the air and yelled "I GOT THE JOB!" I gave my boss my two weeks, and now those two weeks are over so I get to work only at the Telefund now. I love it so much. It's so much fun and the people there are awesome. And, it's right across the street from where I live and I get to pick my own schedule (and it pays better!).

It was really nice to have some good things happen to kick off the new year. It's a good start.

So... onto the missionary thing and part of why last semester was a challenge. Ok, let me just start by saying that I have wanted to serve a mission for about three or four years now. It wasn't something that I ever thought I would want to do, but then I got my patriarchal blessing and everything changed. The seed was planted and I started to warm up to the idea of teaching the Gospel for a year and half so much so that it was something I really wanted to do. Fast forward from that to General Conference October 2012. President Thomas S. Monson announced that the age at which missionaries could leave on their missions was changing. Young men can now serve at 18 and young women at 19. I was at work, but Amph and Kenzie both texted me saying that it had changed. Slowly, everybody at work began getting the same sorts of messages. My jaw dropped. I was in shock for the rest of the day. I went home and watched the broadcast of the announcement, still in awe. My main thought: "I can go right now." I mean, this was exciting stuff! But I didn't want to get caught up in the excitement and go for the wrong reasons. I had a plan! I wanted to wait until after I graduated. But I should know by now that plans are kind of a joke sometimes. I think sometimes Heavenly Father likes to give us little surprises to see how well we can adapt to the situation. Well, I don't adapt well! I was actually kind of freaking out. You can ask my roommates. I was kinda a mess for a few days just trying to figure out what to do.

   After much prayer, fasting, pondering, feasting, asking, begging, crying, kneeling, and whatever else you can think of involved in a mental and emotional struggle, I decided that choosing not to go was basically like not making a choice at all because it would just feel like postponing a decision. It doesn't help that I am no good at making decisions, but this was something I couldn't just avoid. Going on a mission is a great decision. There is nothing negative about it. I decided I needed to move forward and act. If it wasn't the right thing, Heavenly Father would let me know. So I decided to start my papers. Then a strange thing happened. I would say that it was really bizarre, but it wasn't because stuff like this has happened before. As soon as I started my papers, the desire to go on a mission completely left me. That is so unlike me. I make plans and I follow schedules. I don't just make a complete 180 and change my mind overnight. But it happened. The desire left. Once I realized that had happened, every time I tried to tell myself, "No, I really do want to do this" and I tried to convince myself that this is what I was doing, there was like a mental block or something. I would put the thought in my mind but then I couldn't think about it any further. I couldn't convince myself that I was going on a mission. Because I was taken so off guard, I didn't really know where that was coming from. It was a stupor of thought. Straight from Doctrine & Covenants Section 9.

No other explanation made sense. 

So instead of fighting it, I decided to take that as my answer. And I feel good about it. Whatever the reason, I guess I'll figure that out later. I'm not supposed to know the reasons for everything. The best I can do is work with what I have and do my best to listen to what I'm given. Maybe I'll elaborate a little more on personal revelation later on since that's what I have been delving into lately. I've come across some really good stuff.

So now you have been edified by a few stories from my life over the past few months whether you wanted to or not. :)

Love,
Lo